Lifesavers for Latasha

One of the signs or symptoms, I’m not sure which, of my congenital heart disease is my dark purplish lip color. I do not wear lipstick. I use lip balm that is colorless.

I have some vivid memories regarding my lip color, and most of these memories are not positive.

One of the earliest memories I have that is pretty vivid is from when I was in 7th grade. My dad was stationed in Korea, and we lived in Hannam Village in Seoul. We lived in an apartment building across from the swimming pool. I don’t remember where I was going, but I left our apartment and got on the elevator to go down to the first floor. When the elevator doors opened, there was an older boy waiting to get in the elevator. He was a teenager, probably in high school. I didn’t know him. When I got off and he got on, before the doors closed, he loudly and angrily said, “You need to take off all that lipstick! You’re too young for all that makeup on your face!” I turned around to check if he was talking to me. He must’ve been, because there was no one else around. No one was in the elevator with me on the way down, and no one else was waiting to get on the elevator, other than him. As I turned around and just before the doors fully closed, our eyes met and I knew he was talking to me. In the 7th grade, I was extremely shy and just tried my best to blend in as much as possible. In my head, I thought, “I’m not wearing any lipstick, you idiot,” but I didn’t say anything aloud. Fast forward a few months and I was going to appointments to have braces put on my teeth. At one of the first appointments, the orthodontist came in, sat down, and handed me some tissue while saying, “Okay, I’m going to need you to first wipe off the lipstick on your mouth.” I just took the tissue and wiped my mouth, of course not saying anything. I could tell he was surprised when no color appeared on the tissue, though. Other dentists and orthodontists have made the same request over the years. I think when I was in high school, I finally spoke up and said I wasn’t wearing any lipstick. Did they believe me? Nope. They would just say something along the lines of it’s okay if you wear it, but you need to wipe it off for the exam.

Over the years, several people, strangers, would comment on my lip color. I’d be walking in a restaurant or in a store and be stopped by a person who would tell me how much they like my lipstick color. Then, they’d proceed to ask me what it’s called or what brand do I wear.

Most recently, just a few months ago, Chris and I went to dinner at a restaurant. At this restaurant, you order your food cafeteria-style. Not the employee taking my order, but another employee comes up and says, “Oh, I just love your lipstick! What color is that?” I politely replied, “I’m not wearing any lipstick.” Instead of letting it go and allowing me to just continue through the line, this employee got loud and clearly thought I was lying. “What? You can’t just tell me what color you’re wearing?” she asked. Again, I responded, “I’m not wearing any lipstick. This is my natural color.” “That’s your natural lip color!?!” she questioned as if I were lying. “Yes,” I responded. “That purplish color is your natural color?” she asked, clearly still not believing me. “Yep,” I responded. I don’t think she knew what to say after that, so she just went back to doing her job.

As often as this happens, you’d think I’d be happy I don’t need to wear lipstick. But, I’ve always wanted to wear lipstick and have never been able to find a color that actually looks okay on top of my natural lip color. In the photo, this is the natural color of my lips. Sometimes they’re even more purple or even darker. I wonder if after transplant my lip color will change and I will be able to wear lipstick one day. For now, the color of these lips is all I’ve ever known.