Lifesavers for Latasha

As I sit here reflecting on the past two month’s ups and downs of Latasha’s heart and double lung transplant journey, I can sum it up to two words: Pure Exhaustion.

The irony is that I started writing this two weeks ago and was too tired to finish it. How funny is that? But I think it is appropriate to finish this now that I’ve had more time to reflect.

As I write this, I think about how exhausted Latasha and I have been, although I suppose we’re both wiped out for very different reasons. Even though Tasha got released on the evening of Monday, Aug 19, we had a hectic week with two days of appointments, continued nausea, physical rehabilitation, a home nursing visit, medication sorting, and settling into our daily recovery routine.

We rested on and off, ordered some good food for delivery, and finally had time to watch two seasons of Ted Lasso, which is everything I had heard it was. But tomorrow, we will start back at our medical appointments and hopefully get a better idea of what to expect in the coming weeks. Also, we hope Tasha will get her last chest drainage tube out.

I had not planned on finishing this reflection, but everything hit me mentally, emotionally, and physically hard on Wednesday morning. My body feels like it got hit by a freight train, and the pains I haven’t had for years are rearing their ugly head.

So now, I feel it’s essential to talk about this aspect of this journey to unpack for people looking from the outside.

Tasha, I, and her family are exhausted. We all experienced the HLT journey in our own ways. As far as me, I am tired and plain worn the “insert expletive” out.

So, what does it mean when someone says, “I’m tired?” As I analyze that personally and professionally, it means the same thing for some and something very different for others. I suppose it is relevant to their situation, but being tired can stem from all three struggles.

I’m thinking about this because I have been tired for a long time, and in the last two months, it has pretty much put me into the red.

So, what encompasses “tired”? Its simplest and most basic categories are physical, mental, and emotional.

Understanding this before, during, and after the transplant journey is essential because resilience and grit are the only things that get anyone through it all.

During this journey, I have experienced every emotion and its sub-emotion, sometimes multiple at once. It was indeed a rollercoaster of emotions that contributed to exhaustion.

From my point of view, being Tasha’s husband, friend, caregiver, and copilot on the HLT journey was a no-fail mission, one that only death could cause me to fail. And if you know me, not a lot can get in my way when I am on a mission.

So now that I have had time to relax and rest on and off, my body’s check engine lights have come on. Fifty days of going hard has caught up with me.

Physically, I did my best to combat fatigue and stay healthy. I worked hard to hydrate, eat well, rest, do yoga, exercise, walk, and decompress through talking, writing, and music.

Mentally, I think I did an okay job of getting most of my thoughts and struggles out of my head into my writing, but we all have things we hold in reserve. I am no different, although I cannot thank my inner circle enough for being there for me to vent and bounce things off.

Emotionally, well, I don’t think anyone fares well during journeys like this one. I have discovered many emotions boiling under the surface, some good, some bad, and some painful. If I am being honest, fear is the most likely culprit behind a lot of the angst I am dealing with right now.

But the body can only take so many attacks on all three battle fronts.

So, why am I sharing all this? Mainly as a reflection point for later but also a beacon for anyone reading this who may be embarking on a transplant or difficult journey. I was blessed to have quite a few people in my corner with similar experiences, and that was very helpful for me to keep my feet on the ground and not get too consumed.

In closing, I offer this. Nothing is easy, and every amount of pain is relative to the situation, but with resilience and grit, anyone can overcome and thrive in any adverse situation or austere environment.