Lifesavers for Latasha

Hurry up and wait. The mind, its thoughts, and the wilderness they can run wild in.

For those of us who suffer from an overactive mind and intense thoughts that drive a powerful inner voice, you know it can be a trusted source of internal analysis and a sounding board for reflection and correction.

But it can also be our worst enemy, your inner worst nightmare—a wild beast of negativity running around the brain’s wilderness, tearing through the inner sanctuary you’ve built to fight against adversity and stressors.

This analogy best describes how it feels to wait for Latasha to return from the OR from her second surgery.

I am rationalizing why they said it would be 2 hours, and it is about to hit four hours. Did something go wrong? Is she okay? Did the worst happen? What if it did? How am I going to deal with this? How do I move forward? And so on. And so on. And so on. Until my anxiety is out of control, my blood pressure is sky-high, and I feel like I’m going to have a panic attack.

I sometimes wonder if medical staff know what it’s like on this side of the fence. Are we just faceless and nameless people warming seats in the waiting room? Are we just poor bastards who come and go and keep the medical cog going? Are we such an annoying aspect of medical care that it’s too hard to give a regular update so that nerves aren’t high, anxiety isn’t running rampant, and tempers don’t flare?

It seems too easy from where I sit. But then again, I understand there are dozens of surgeries going on at any given time. But this is 2024; why is it so hard to keep me updated? And here comes the wild beast again, breaking my innermost sanctuary, leaving it in shards of anxiety.

And don’t forget the endless supply of coffee in the waiting room, feeding the wild beast even more. What if? Why so long? How can I cope? Where is she? When will I hear an update? Who is in charge of this circus?

The beast seems so easily tamed by a simple update, but it is also so easily agitated when it’s left neglected to wander around in the vast wilderness of the beautiful mind.

And so I sit here patiently and quietly waiting, keeping my anxiety tamed.