Lifesavers for Latasha

I love music, but precisely the words and meaning behind the songs. I spend a lot of time in my head listening to music and analyzing it. I try to put myself in the artist’s shoes when they write. What were they feeling? What inspired the words? Was it pain, fear, love, hate, or sorrow? Maybe all…

I find it fascinating that some songs resonate so profoundly in the soul, leaving one thinking, “How did they know I feel this way?”

I offer that the human condition is the same for everyone, despite what some will have you think. Some hide their pain and misery well, and others act it out in ways of destruction and violence. But deep down, humans want love. They want safety and scrutiny. They want to belong and not feel like outcasts. Pretty simple, right? Not even close.

Humans are cruel, evil, cunning, caring, good, and everything in between.

As I listen to music, I find solace in the fact that someone out there is experiencing the same crazy ride I am. I find comfort in that and in the fact that I’m not alone.

The song I’m listening to while writing this is Wondering Why, by The Red Cley Strays. It very nicely sums up how I often feel about love and how I’ve never deserved the kind of love Tasha has given me. The dedication and commitment she’s had to our marriage and life.

A verse from the song that resonates with me:

She’s not just along for the ride
She’s my biggest fan
Lord, it’s a piece of Heaven
When we lie down at night
She keeps on loving me
And I don’t know why

When I look back on the last 13 years, it’s taken me a long time to heal and accept a lot of things that happened. Tasha has been a massive part of that healing by being by my side and believing in me.

I hope I have done right by her as a husband and friend because this transplant journey has been so hard. Everything leading up to July 1st was excruciating. Sometimes, it felt like a slow death by a thousand cuts. We both dealt with it in our ways, some healthy and some not. Very few people know how we have felt and how we both struggled with depression, anger, sorrow, and hatred for numerous reasons.

We both felt trapped on a ride that we couldn’t get off. We felt like our lives were slipping away and being robbed of memories and joy. We felt alone. We felt isolated. We felt damned angry when people complained about trivial things.

Looking back on it, I feel embarrassed, but I also feel like it was justified because sometimes good people get hit the hardest. They get tested to see if they can persevere for a larger purpose. I genuinely believe that is the case, and it’s been hard to get here. It’s been hard to see the forest through the trees sometimes.

Tasha and I have stayed the course because we have had a good inner circle, but admittedly, we have hidden a lot from those closest to us because of how private we are. We have never wanted anyone to feel sorry for us, especially for Tasha, because she is the epitome of strength.

So, as I sit here looking back on it all, the only thing I guess I would change is being more transparent and open to vulnerability. The last thing I ever wanted was for someone struggling or suffering to look at us and think something was wrong with them because we made it look easy.

It has not been easy, and it will not be easy. But I guess nothing is ever really easy. It’s just how we perceive it and the lessons we learn and hopefully bestow on those around us.

I will end by returning to music. I suppose when any songwriter puts pen to paper, they have truly exposed their inner soul, and artistry is an example of vulnerability.

So cheers to staying the course in the name of love, commitment to marriage, and the future of memories to come. That’s an exciting future built on blood, sweat, and tears.

World lookout, get out of the way; here comes Team Warner!