Lifesavers for Latasha

Over the past few weeks, I have experienced pain that I never thought I could feel. For me, that is significant because I know a thing or two about physical, emotional, and mental pain.

And I suppose someone who doesn’t know me can say you’re late to the game. I would counter that assumption with I can assure anyone thinking that I’ve seen death, destruction, and evil at its finest with a front-row seat.

I am reflecting on this because a close friend and I were discussing this topic, which boils down to this.

Seeing your wife and best friend in physical, emotional, and mental pain is unbelievably hard. Seeing them take the hits on the chin, then smile and silently suffer is painful. Knowing what they are thinking and keeping that pain locked up inside to protect them is a sacred husbandly duty that weighs heavy. Getting into the mud with them and feeling the pain and stress is an honor that is part of the commitment to one another.

Reflecting on this, I believe a true marriage is built from pain. Not the pain of abuse or maltreatment but the pain of fully experiencing life together because life isn’t for the faint of heart. Winning at the game of life as a team is about embracing the ups and downs, the highs and lows, the good and bad, the mad and sad and glad, and the fears and accomplishments together as a team. That pain forges the bonds of marriage that last a lifetime and allows that team to endure life’s hardships, trials, and tribulations because life isn’t easy. But if you’re in the mud together and not slinging at each other, you get stronger to climb out of it together and are ready for the next time.

My point is looking back on the past 13 years Tasha and I have done this. I’d like to say by design, but everything about our story is a happy accident. We both eventually submitted to each other and did our best to be the best for each other. I point this out because we couldn’t have gotten through this transplant journey without that foundation already built and fortified.

Our love story has painful ups and downs, wins and losses, tears and laughs, and positive growth. The stress that this journey has caused me is immeasurable, and I will never talk about most of it. I know Tasha will reveal her point of view soon when she has her full strength back.

I am sharing this for a few reasons: 1) To be vulnerable in highlighting that this journey is painful but worth it. 2) Let anyone reading this know how much I appreciate them being there for me. 3) To serve as a mental note for our goal of writing our book later. 4) To help Tasha account for lost time. 5) Most importantly, I want to grow and be better by thinking deeply about life and its experiences to be better for myself, Tasha, and others around me.

Pain doesn’t have to be debilitating, even though it may seem that way at the moment of experience. I think being in the mud is relative because, after all, mud comes from rain, and rain creates life. There is beauty that comes from the pain. I’m not going to sit here and act like it is easy because, trust me, I have had some epic private breakdowns during this journey, but I’ve had people there to help me climb out and focus on what’s important.

I’ve also had my inner pain that only I know about, and I’ll take to the grave, and that’s okay because I use it to grow and serve as a reflection point to forge armor for the next painful moment.

Resilience is about pushing through without losing the best parts of yourself. It’s about how hard and how many times you can get hit while smiling and getting up and not quitting. It’s about maintaining the good through your pain and harnessing it for love and positivity. It’s about not feeling sorry for yourself because you’re part of something bigger.

So, to end with this, yes, life is messy. It’s hard sometimes, and it’s painful more often than not. But that’s the point. You have to embrace it all, be better, and impact others around you for the betterment of mankind.

Be the light in someone’s dark moment.